BITCHIN' SISTERS - We're Pretty Damn Funny: That Ain't No Disco

The 5 Senses of Self-Care

6 Sep

In an effort to practice self love n’ stuff…cuz let’s be honest, noone is gonna fill your cup quite like you will…I’ve taken the liberty of putting together a list of my kinda sorta, absolutely must haves for Summerfall. Smell Good – Replica I put this shit on erryday. I’ve gotten friends, family, my mail […]

Go home, COVID-19. We’re drunk.

22 Mar

What (from the bottom of my heart) the actual fuck is happening? At the beginning of the year, I heard about this weird virus in China and saw pictures of people going about their day wearing masks and I, oblivious, was just all China’s bein’ weird y’all, but back to me, what’s my New Year’s Resolution? […]

Disney Survival Guide

6 Jan

The happiest place on earth is a goddamn lie. There I said it. Recently 700 of my closest relatives and I went to Disney World and it was magical exhausting and expensive. Here’s a few words of advice: 1.) You need to arise at Zero Dark Thirty to make it to the park before the […]

Kylo Ren is so high maintenance

2 Jan

We were finally able to catch Star Wars Episode 765: The Last Jedi (please God I hope not. I feel like we can squeeze at least another three to four decades out of this never ending saga.) A brief recap. Kylo Ren is still high maintenance AF. He’s all “I’m on the dark side, no, […]

Things We Learned During the Rio 2016 Olympics

22 Aug

Last night the closing ceremonies for the 2016 Summer Olympics aired. If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent a good part of the last two weeks glued to your television watching super athletes, who you’ll never be like, achieve their wildest dreams, while you ate ice cream, drank wine and lusted after the men’s water polo team. […]

The Last Few Weeks of School and Other Things I Suck at

3 Jun

It’s the end of the school year and shit’s falling apart like Gwen Stefani’s NuvaRing up in here. Tests, recitals, awards ceremonies, field trips, field days, field mice, crazy hat day, crazy shirt day, crazy sock day and every fund raiser under the fucking sun is knocking at your front door and you’re all “wasn’t […]

How Normal People Eat Every Day

9 Feb

I recently read an article about how the owner of Hollywood’s favorite juice bar eats on the daily. I understood every other jaw-dropping word (did she just say she eats mushroom shit?) and demand some fucking answers. Moon Juice Lady: “I usually wake up at 6:30am, and start with some Kundalini meditation and a 23-minute breath […]

North and South

25 Aug

One night, in the dead of the worst, apocalyptic, soul crushing Massachusetts winter ever, my husband was all “wanna move to North Carolina?” and I was all “Yeah. totally…” took a sip of my wine and continued to watch Ray Donovan.     Turns out, he was serious. So a month ago, I quit my job, […]

Facebook Yard Sales Though

22 Jan

In the past year or so, there’s been an influx of Facebook Yard Sale pages. A place to peddle your wares, buy a thirty-year old rusty car or maybe even meet a life partner.     What the actual fuck? People will seriously sell anything on these pages. Creepy dolls, braids from ex lovers’ heads, used […]

Smoke & Mirrors – A Bitchin’ Mister Weighs In

21 Sep

Another September is almost in the books, the aftermath of new locker combinations, emergency contact forms and hand-slaps from Sister-Mary-One-Thumb are but misty-gin-colored memories in the bottom of my “morning coffee.” Thank God! As a favor to the “Sisters,” I’m minding the storefront today.  Typically, I’m hiding in the back room performing technical support or acting […]