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Back-to-School: Week 1 vs. Week 2

17 Sep

September 1st. Somewhere in the world: This year is going to be different. I’m going to have my shit together. I’m going to be the best mother ever. Becky from the PTA will worship me. Other mothers will fall at my feet begging, “what’s your secret?!” 1.) I’m going to make organic, non GMO, fresh, wholesome lunches made […]

SAHM vs. WOHM. An Inner War.

13 Feb

In the wake of yet another article about the SAHM vs. Working Mom, (I wonder if this widespread insecurity will ever end?) I felt compelled to share my own personal experience. Until recently, and since my first child was four months old, I had worked full, full-time. Meaning that I had a full-time career that […]

Snow Days

30 Jan

Tis’ the season for eleventy billion snow days. Sure, we’ll be in school until mid-July, but I love snow days. For the first hour. On the first snow day. The night before the first snowfall of the season: “Kids! We’re going to have so much fun on this glorious snow day! We’ll go sledding, build […]

Back-to-School Pinterest Bitches

29 Aug

It’s that time of year again. The kids are going back to school, Target is abuzz with harried moms, the beaches are emptying, I’m still not tan and shit’s about to get real on Pinterest: I went to Ocean State Job Lot and bought my daughter’s school supplies. After washing last year’s perfectly good bag, I […]

Mother’s Day Wishlist

10 May

A Dyson. Because being a mom doesn’t suck. And because a vacuum is the perfect gift for pushing two babies out of your vagina and then having your nipples chewed off for the following ten months. Nope. But I figure if I am in charge of picking up after three animals, I may as well be efficient. […]

Mompetition

11 May

TIME Magazine’s controversial article and photo Are You Mom Enough? and the timing of this blog post are purely coincidental, albeit apropos. Confession: I fully admit that when I first saw the cover of TIME, I couldn’t have cared less that the woman still breastfeeds her eight-year old (if that child is three-years old, then I’m a dancing chicken). […]

Sweaty eyeballs and Hooters T-Shirts.

14 Jul

I took my daughter to camp yesterday. This was basically the scene upon drop-off… Me: Parking in the wrong area because I can’t seem to do anything right. Consequently having to walk several hundred miles to get to the school gymnasium aptly named (and clearly labeled) “School Gymnasium.” P.S. It was 105 degrees out. Every other Mother […]

Things (mostly People) I Hate More than Outhouses

12 Jul

On a recent trip to the beach, I was forced to use an outhouse. For the thirty seconds that I was in there, eyes closed and attempting to think of anything but where I actually was, I tried to think of things that I hate more than an outhouse. The list included random, pervasive thoughts such as […]

The phone, the phone is ringing

4 May

So at 3:00 a.m. this morning, as I was removing my four-year old daughter’s big toe from my nasal cavity, I thought to myself, it’s time for some mofo sleep training. This is the baby girl (“BG”) who slept through the night at an early age, happily stayed in her crib until she was three […]