Back-to-School Pinterest Bitches

29 Aug

It’s that time of year again. The kids are going back to school, Target is abuzz with harried moms, the beaches are emptying, I’m still not tan and shit’s about to get real on Pinterest:

I went to Ocean State Job Lot and bought my daughter’s school supplies. After washing last year’s perfectly good bag, I packed it very neatly, wrote her a little ‘good luck’ note and felt like a mom rock star. Then this bitch went and did this:

Why God? Why?

How and more importantly why?

And then her asshole mom friend did this:

I started this project and then ate all of the rolos.

I started this project and then accidentally ate all of the Rolos.

Sweet baby Jesus in the sky, why do people have to be so crafty?

I had a glass of wine, felt inspired and worked on this little project. Evidently, you’re not supposed to use a blow torch to melt the Crayons:

Drink wine and fuck up crafts.

Drink wine and fuck up crafts.

Raise your hand if your kids’ last three years of school pictures are somewhere in the bottom of your “To Do” file. #mustmailtorelativesbeforecollege.

I’m just glad that my kids’ socks match and that I don’t look like Amanda Bynes at the bus stop. (<—–Lie. I always look like Amanda Bynes at the bus stop.)

Don't forget your lunch, kids! Mommy loves you.

Don’t forget your lunch, kids! Mommy loves you.

 

The moms who won’t let it go. Even into the college years:

My mom's weird and she makes me do tricks.

My mom’s weird and she makes me do tricks.

 

I’m not even sure what this is? A lemonade stand? For school shit?

I don't understand.

I don’t understand. What exactly are you selling? Explain yourself.

I’m still trying to figure out which summer camp to send my kids to. And then this mom is all:

So now we're supposed to have back-to-school parties for our children?

Don’t forget the personalized chalkboard.

And then there are the moms that rush things:

I call bullshit. Everyone knows that three year olds are too young for Kindy. Nice try, mom.

I call bullshit. Everyone knows that three-year olds are too young for Kindy. Nice try, kid.

Nothing says the most important meal of the day quite like a super crafty breakfast and a diorama of…the first day of school. This mom stayed up until four in the morning preparing this. I hate her:

I just feel like this sets high expectations. If I did this and then tried to give my kids an organic poptart the next morning, I'd be knifed.

How to give your child explosive diarrhea on their first day of school. Also, if I did this and then tried to give my kids an organic pop tart the next morning, I’d be knifed.

And here is a baby in glasses laying on a book. Just cuz.

Smartest baby ever.

Smartest baby ever.

Here’s to overdue library books, forgotten show-and-tell days, last-minute book reports and a whole lot of self forgiveness.

Have a great year! Don’t forget to wear pants to the bus stop.

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350 Responses to “Back-to-School Pinterest Bitches”

  1. threenorns August 29, 2013 at 8:56 pm #

    “don’t forget to wear pants to the bus stop” – wait, what!???

    lady, they should count themselves lucky i’ve got undies on under my bathrobe.

    • Melody September 1, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

      OMG…dying here.

      • Lisa September 6, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

        Me too!!!!

      • cheryl September 6, 2013 at 1:56 pm #

        me too! LOL doesn’t even begin to cover it!

      • Cara Duro Quinones September 13, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

        Me too…. Literally laughing out loud!!!! Hahahahaah

    • Juli September 5, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

      I am a bus driver and one mom wears her pj’s in the morning when her daughter gets on the bus and still has the same pj’s on when I drop her child off in the afternoon. Every day!

      • slacker September 5, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

        Night shift?

      • Stacie Handley September 6, 2013 at 2:29 am #

        OMG, I think I know this mom… on Oakleigh Rd. in Parkville. It blows my mind… whether it’s the same person or not… LOL!!!!!!

      • jennymozingoquinley September 6, 2013 at 2:44 am #

        I think you mean me…;-)

      • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 2:52 am #

        i’d be raising an eyebrow if the pj’s were different….

      • Heather Holter September 6, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

        Me TOO

      • Sarah September 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

        Who? Me? Is that a problem? Lol.

      • jacki September 6, 2013 at 5:22 pm #

        That’s me…every day. I have one that gets on at 8, then one that gets on at 12, then they both get off at 4. My 2 yr old and 10 month old don’t care that we are all in our pjs all day. I never even thought about it until I read this. So funny!!

      • Megz September 6, 2013 at 5:24 pm #

        Don’t judge me! :) )))))) lol

      • Robert Bob Callaway September 6, 2013 at 5:53 pm #

        I want her job!

      • lynn September 6, 2013 at 10:54 pm #

        Are you talkin bout me! Don’t tell my secrets!

      • Karen September 7, 2013 at 4:11 am #

        does she have different ones on the next day?

      • gena barton September 7, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

        Robert Bob Callaway… you are SO naive!

      • getcreativewithmaryfrances September 7, 2013 at 7:59 pm #

        Clothes get ruined. Pj’s are just old already-ruined clothes. If I get new Pj’s it is just because I made the mistake to change that day. Bam! Daily accident. New Pj’s. I only change before the hubs gets home. Don’t need to hear it from him. Who else hates to hear the door bell at 1 pm while still sporting their nighty nights?

      • Whoseit? September 12, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

        I believe it’s more appropriately referred to as “lounge wear.” This makes day long wearing acceptable.

      • Amber September 18, 2013 at 3:23 am #

        I pretty much look like crap all day monday thru friday because I spend all day cleaning my house up after my kids trash it, do their laundry, make their food, etc…we just want to be comfy while doing our domestic duties :)

      • Name September 19, 2013 at 9:30 pm #

        So…..

    • Nomorekidsinschool September 6, 2013 at 1:02 am #

      Hilarious!

    • Caroline September 6, 2013 at 2:01 am #

      HAHAHAHa!! I’m right there with you, sister!

    • jennymozingoquinley September 6, 2013 at 2:42 am #

      I consider my self lucky if my bra makes the cut….

      • Momof4girls September 6, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

        Bra? We don’t need no stinkin’ bras…especially before 10AM.

    • Tracy September 6, 2013 at 3:09 am #

      Funny! I relate to this 1. Lol

    • Rachel September 6, 2013 at 5:28 pm #

      hahhaha oh this made my day

    • Michele September 6, 2013 at 7:52 pm #

      I think the male kindergarten bus driver from six years ago is still in therapy (or has gouged his eyes out) after seeing me every day sprinting to the bus stop – at the time in addition to a kindergartner, I had a toddler and newborn. There I was every day – unshowered, sleep deprived, in sweats, with milk stains on my old t-shirt (from just nursing) and sometimes (barf) even braless. And yes, sometimes (okay, often) I would look the same three hours later when he dropped my son off. God bless that man.
      Just this year I’ve managed to be fully dressed for the bus stop – and my youngest is six. We are three days into school and on two of them I forgot to put my middle schooler’s lunch in his backpack. Much to his horror, my minivan screeches up to the bus stop and his lunch is dangled out the window. He has to leave his crowd of homies and walk over to get it, hunched and mortified. (If I actually got OUT of the van our relationship would be over.) The good news is that maybe now HE’LL take responsibility for grabbing his lunch in order to avoid another reputation ending maternal visit to the corner….

    • Kathy September 9, 2013 at 1:50 am #

      I am dying laughing , it sounds rough out there

    • sgmb October 2, 2013 at 9:19 pm #

      First week of school, my son left without his iPad. I jumped in my car and caught up to carpool ten blocks away in my robe — no undies. If you think I didn’t let him know, you’re wrong. I bet he doesn’t leave his iPad home again. Your kids are lucky.

  2. Misty August 30, 2013 at 1:35 pm #

    Screw the pants, just make sure the curlers are out before you walk out the door, and then don’t forget to give them a HUGE hug and kiss and yell MOMMY LOVES YOU BUBBA HAVE A GREAT DAY AND DON’T FORGET YOU’RE A ROCK STAR!!! as he hides his head and walks down the aisle of the bus looking for a seat where he can sit alone and hide his head in shame. :-S

    Oh yeah… and string cheese, gummy fruits, and a granola bar is totally considered a well rounded lunch box.

    • threenorns August 30, 2013 at 11:57 pm #

      not without a juice box it isn’t.

    • threenorns August 30, 2013 at 11:58 pm #

      and speaking of, dammit! i knew there was something i forgot to pick up!

    • Tara Lamb August 31, 2013 at 7:03 pm #

      I’ve dropped my kids of with the curlers still in the past two days, but I was dressed!

    • jg September 5, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

      I told my kids they got a treat the first week of school and they get lunchables all week. Theyre stoked. In reality, i just needed a week before i have to start making real lunches for them….

      • dck September 5, 2013 at 5:10 pm #

        I am crying with laughter with you jg! I totally wanted to make their lunches their first week back but instead bought school lunch and keep telling myself … next week. Just like I see all the moms walking their kids to school when I drive past by them … I tell myself … we’ll walk to school next week too. Yeah right.

    • tdeveson September 6, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

      I was supposed to take out the curlers??

  3. Meghan Anderson August 30, 2013 at 2:22 pm #

    I love this!! I am so glad there are moms like me out there. Amen sister, Amen!!

  4. Sharon August 30, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    hahahahhaha…I’m cracking up. I HATE making lunches more than anything and breakfast? what is breakfast? How about some milk and carnation instant breakfast?

    • thoughiwalkthrough August 31, 2013 at 6:42 pm #

      LOL My son gets up and makes the carnation breakfast himself!

      • Montse September 5, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

        Hi5 cuz my daughter does too..hey we’re teaching them to be self-sufficient :)

      • ESK September 6, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

        This string made me laugh so hard, though strangely enough, this last post really made me stop and think.

        My father passed away when I young (10), but one lesson that he taught me was how to fry an egg and make some toast in the morning. Of course, since it involved the stove, he would stay in the kitchen with me whenever I cooked. He would not hover, though when I was finished he would eat with me and we’d talk about everything under the sun. He let me feel like a grown-up, but also safe and protected. Now, whenever I make eggs and toast, I think of him. I cherish this memory more than I would if he were to have just made breakfast for me each day, or went all out with a crafty, pancakey display of affection. I still remember swelling with pride after successfully making my first breakfast! And I’m thankful that I had a parent who taught me to be self-sufficient, who valued independence over glitter. Not that there is anything at all wrong with glitter, except for maybe the mess…

        • pilvikki September 6, 2013 at 2:27 pm #

          that is a hell of a good point!

    • Sassytom@yahoo.com September 6, 2013 at 1:07 am #

      You’re gonna love it in an instant! I sing that every morning while I stir it

      • Robert Bob Callaway September 6, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

        I don’t know why, of all the hee-lair-eeous stuff in this string, that this was the one that made me GUFFAW-OUT-LOUD!! PRICELESS…

    • Pamm September 6, 2013 at 9:21 pm #

      chocolate chip cookies or a slice of American Cheese is a breakfast around here!

  5. Tracy August 30, 2013 at 4:24 pm #

    I seriously needed this today! I needed a good belly laugh and the “i call BS had me roaring. Love love love it! Thank you!

  6. zoleo1 August 30, 2013 at 5:05 pm #

    I can NOT stop laughing. Thank you for this!

  7. Mary Parker Bernard August 30, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    I am so seriously LOL! *Raising hand* I AM totally the mom with the school pictures buried at the bottom the “to-do” file. Love this so much!!!

    • Sarag September 5, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

      Wait what?! You have a ‘to do’ file? Damnit… I have a huge pile of shit on a counter… Does that count?

      • Anne Davis Buff September 6, 2013 at 1:42 am #

        Yes! And you get extra points in the week if you have time to re-stack it neatly!

      • lookinginthewindow September 6, 2013 at 4:24 pm #

        Oh I am definitely relating here. I’m darned proud when my stacks have that “just straightened” look!!

      • HD November 7, 2013 at 4:17 am #

        Only a one letter difference between pile and file. That means they are practically the same thing ;)

  8. Stefani August 30, 2013 at 6:22 pm #

    I just found my 7th grader’s school pictures in his backpack….from last year. Thought we’d turned them back in…. sigh….

  9. Cheairs August 30, 2013 at 8:41 pm #

    This is all kinds of awesome!!

    • thenotsoperfectmommyJM September 5, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

      OMG, you gals are HIGH-larious! I think I am the worst damn mom and then I read these stories and realize we are right on track with most people. We should have some sort of anti-craty retreat(wine drinking-telling funny mom stories retreat) and hang out. I think anyone who reads and LOVES this blog is some kind of cool and we could probably all be buds. ~JM

      • jg September 5, 2013 at 5:03 pm #

        I’m in! Wine, no crafts, and laughter. As long as i can wear yoga pants, glasses, and a pony tail. Let’s go! ;)

      • Lisa September 5, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

        I’m in!!! Sweatpants and all!

      • Loralei September 6, 2013 at 12:32 pm #

        Yoga pants have been replaced by maxi dresses. It’s really just a muumuu with sleeves.

      • lookinginthewindow September 6, 2013 at 4:27 pm #

        I’m in add long as I get to wear my flip flops with my yoga pants, ponytail & “reading” glasses!

      • LSP September 7, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

        When my kids were school age, a bunch of moms got together on the first day of school and then about once every month. We called it the Eleven thirty Club. We would bring a dish to share and drink some wine and spend some time finding out that we’re all struggling with the same things.
        Now that my kids are all out of the house, the piles have gotten smaller and I finally found all those school pictures I meant to frame or send to relatives. Oh we’ll, we can’t all be perfect!

  10. Wendilynn Kerezman August 30, 2013 at 10:40 pm #

    I am laughing so hard. I’m just happy my kids lived long enough to make it to school. :P

    • Lola September 5, 2013 at 2:10 pm #

      HAHAHAHA! I thought I was the only mom who thinks this is a massively underrated achievement for parents.
      I loved this post on so many levels. The mini-pancakes put me over the edge.

      • Mom of 2, although I often have 5, kiddos 2 and under September 6, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

        I buy mini pancakes frozen, from the guy who does food delivery. After microwaving them, I usually serve them to my kiddos on a plate…

        P.S. He also sells pre-cooked diced chicken. I don’t have to get dressed to shop for groceries!!

  11. Tanya August 30, 2013 at 11:37 pm #

    Thanks!

  12. Kelley August 31, 2013 at 1:29 am #

    3 year old Kindy is just preschool. And I’m very glad my 12 year old makes her own breakfast and sometimes her lunch.

  13. thoughiwalkthrough August 31, 2013 at 6:28 pm #

    This might be my favorite blog post ever! I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you for this.

  14. Tracy Lynch August 31, 2013 at 9:08 pm #

    I want to write like you when I grow up.

  15. Susan zelman August 31, 2013 at 10:28 pm #

    How many kids do you have. How is your mother

  16. Abby August 31, 2013 at 11:23 pm #

    Will you be my new BFF? Love this!

  17. Kara September 1, 2013 at 2:34 am #

    I think I’m in love with you!!!

  18. Mags September 1, 2013 at 4:31 am #

    Umm, the first photo. Are those pencils woven into a bundle with scraps of last year’s blue jeans? Really? That shit better be #2 pencils too, because any other number is completely unacceptable. That would be like eating Tofurkey for Thanksgiving. Oh hell no.

    • mellificentm September 1, 2013 at 6:53 am #

      Yeah, I’m contemplating the first photo as well. What is that supposed to be, and will your kid actually want it? Actually, I suspect that useless crafty stuff like that might get you beaten up.

  19. sammichespsychmeds September 1, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

    You are my new best friend.

  20. jhonaeasumphotography September 1, 2013 at 12:59 pm #

    You are freaking hilarious! I shared this several times on Facebook and liked your Facebook page. When you write a new blog do you post it to your Facebook?

  21. paxgirl September 1, 2013 at 2:05 pm #

    I teach elementary school and as I walk through the halls and see 3-D Pinterest bulletin boards and classrooms filled with Pinterest-”inspired” projects, I feel woefully inadequate. Do I get points, though, for having Pinterest boards filled with marvelous activities and projects, which I visit and look at on a regular basis? Thanks for the laugh-out-loud post!

    • Susan September 5, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

      Those teachers are just show-offs. I have an idea for you: Ask your students which of their moms is a huge Pinterest user and crafty decorator, and then invite her to be your Classroom Crafts Advisor! With that fancy title, SHE can create your bulletin boards for you. And SHE can come up with the activities and projects, and provide the materials. In fact, you can invite HER to come and ‘advise’ the students on the crafts, or make them for you! Wouldn’t that work?

      • Marianne September 6, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

        brilliant idea! let the pinterest moms do the work for you!

      • Missy September 6, 2013 at 9:49 pm #

        My sons 1st grade teacher had a blank hallway display while all the others were decorated like a Vegas hotel. I made the mistake of asking if she needed help with anything. I got roped into making a “display” for the hallway. $40, 4 hours, a migraine and a new curse word later (“flargenflagel”. It means “f*** this sh** and learn to keep your mouth shut, woman!!”), I proudly dropped off a 6′x5′ foot rising sun for the hallway. I dropped it off wearing yoga pants, a pony tail, no make-up, mismatched flip-flops, and sans deodorant. Didn’t want to take the chance she would ask for help EVER again.

  22. A Morning Grouch September 1, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    I enjoy the occasional craft, but pinterest bitches be scaring even me.

  23. Jupiter September 1, 2013 at 5:05 pm #

    That looks like a lame “Back to School Party” idea. It doesn’t look very adult at all. Back to school parties are for the parents, right?

    • Lissa September 2, 2013 at 12:18 am #

      That’s what I was thinking! ^ “That party must be BYOB..”

  24. Susan September 2, 2013 at 2:32 am #

    Great stuff, love it! And as Kelley was explaining before me, 3 year-old Kindy is like a government-provided nursery school we had in Australia, and as a mom, I LOVED it. Two days a week I got to experience some sanity.

  25. Rendiggy September 2, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

    Collage? What is this crap? You take the new picture and you put it in the front of the picture frame, with all the old pictures behind it. Duh, that’s why they’re always the same size each year.

    • Amy September 4, 2013 at 2:45 pm #

      Exactly. I was looking over the ever-increasing price of the photo packages and thought…”really, that is just a 3×2?”
      Also, why put their names on the pictures? If you don’t know their name, no one will!

  26. Danielle O. September 2, 2013 at 10:24 pm #

    kudos to the funniest article I have read in a while. I needed that.

  27. deadlyeverafter September 3, 2013 at 11:43 am #

    Reblogged this on deadlyeverafter and commented:
    I can’t even….I can’t at how funny this is.

  28. Mariah Leeson (@Giggles_Galore) September 3, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    Who knew fruit, Greek yogurt and frozen mini pancakes were sugar laden…guess I better switch to these ‘healthy’ pop tarts you speak of. Thanks for sharing our special once a year family tradition and Back to School Breakfast…even if you do hate me for it. :)

    • Laura September 5, 2013 at 2:03 am #

      One serving of milk and Greek yogurt averages 25-30 grams of sugar (even if it were skim milk and fat free yogurt). Keep in mind that the recommended amount of sugar for children 4-8yrs is 12.5 grams per dat. Add on bad carbohydrates like a blueberry muffin and frozen pancakes which are not whole grain and are jam packed with sugar (and apparently topped with it) Top it off with a side of strawberries, which yes are a fruit and are natural, but are merely sugar with minimal other benefits…and you did in fact prepare your child a “sugar laden” and unbalanced breakfast. I see the attempt, truly I do. It’s a very cute concept. However, it is not a healthy breakfast by any means and is a big part of the problem with obesity in children and leads to obesity in their later years.

      • Casey Heins Lester September 5, 2013 at 4:07 am #

        Yes. Because if only parents would stop feeding their kids fruit and muffins for breakfast…the world’s obesity epidemic would be solved.

      • threenorns September 5, 2013 at 4:08 am #

        your information about strawberries is very wrong. while most of the minimal calories they possess (49 calories for a 1c serving of sliced, hulled berries), they are also:

        Very Low in Saturated Fat, Cholesterol and Sodium

        A Good source of Folate and Potassium

        A Very Good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin C and Manganese.

        which calls into question the rest of your post (you seem able to draw a lot of firm facts from generic descriptions).

      • Stacey September 5, 2013 at 10:28 pm #

        Mariah, I think it’s an awesome tradition that your kids will have sweet memories of their mom making the extra effort to cherish these moments.
        Yogurt and fruit is a great breakfast with protein and calcium. There are A LOT of worst things you could do. I would LOVE to see how the writer feeds her family if she has the “healthy” lifestyle that her comment reflects. If so- she needs to use this forum to promote healthy lifestyles instead of bashing other women for creating memories with their families.

      • magpie1230 September 6, 2013 at 5:54 pm #

        OMG, seriously? That breakfast leadsd to obesity? Get real. 1.6 million hours of TV and video games with a big side of fast food is what leads to obesity in America’s children, not to mention our complete overindulgence as a society. Get real.

      • Robert Bob Callaway September 6, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

        Don’t worry about Laura, everyone. She’s the mom that made the pencil bundle in the first photo. She’s perfect. No one can hold a candle to her. She’s awesome. The good news is, she’s the human-equivalent of grading on the curve. Her accomplishments get thrown out as being too good, so no need to include hers in the overall results…

  29. trish williams September 3, 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    my kids have threatened to lace my coffee with metamucil if I EVER make them eat organic pop tarts again!

    • Sarag September 5, 2013 at 11:25 pm #

      OMG LMAO!!! Hahaha

  30. Laura September 3, 2013 at 4:22 pm #

    Died laughing, but can’t pass it on because of the cuss words!

    • mommajules September 6, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

      Agree, Laura. Love the post, so witty and spot on, but the cuss words means I won’t pass it on. If it was just the name of the blog, I would be OK but all the others in the post itself give pause.
      To each their own and if it works for you, fine. No judgement there. I just won’t.

      • Robert Bob Callaway September 6, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

        To Momma Jules, If there’s NO judgment, then why did you bother to POST the judgment? That’s like saying, “No offense, but you’re really fat”. Just cuz you started with, “No offense” doesn’t mean it’s not offensive…

        • mommajules September 6, 2013 at 8:28 pm #

          I am not judging those who decide to pass it on. Please do so if you are so inclined. For me there are too many swear words to pass it on. Nothing more, nothing less. No need to read more into it.

  31. Rabia @TheLiebers September 3, 2013 at 5:24 pm #

    Wait!?! Their socks are supposed to match?? Each other or the outfit? ‘Cause I definitely put navy blue socks on my son this morning and he’s wearing a black t-shirt and black shorts. Technically he’s wearing a Harley-Davidson shirt and NASCAR shorts and I sent him to daycare and not a “kindy” program. Apparently I am doing ALL THE STUFF WRONG!

    • threenorns September 3, 2013 at 5:56 pm #

      my daughter went to her first day in grade one wearing an aeropostale royal blue hoodie, an aqua t-shirt with a smurf on it, faded rainbow leopard-print leggings that weren’t capri length when i bought them, one black-striped hot pink sock with a silver glitter peace sign and one purple hello kitty sock (but at least they’re both ankle socks… this time,….), and high-tops covered in emerald green glitter.

      oh – and a Hello Kitty pearl headband.

      • A C September 4, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

        ……leggings that weren’t capri length when I bought them – I am dying here!

      • 4tyisjustanumber September 5, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

        Sounds like my youngest – glad to know that I’m not the only one!

      • M September 9, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

        Rule one, does it meet the seasonal requirement (no shorts to school in the winter) otherwise, go with it baby! Rule two, let them pack their own lunch from day one, they eat it. Buy stuff that you find acceptable choices, then let them choose from them. I have spent 13 years hearing/seeing how their friends throw what their moms pack away because they don’t like it and don’t want to tell them.

        • threenorns September 9, 2013 at 5:45 pm #

          i’m very lucky with this little chickie: she’s not shy about letting me know if she likes it or not, lol.

    • pilvikki September 6, 2013 at 8:14 pm #

      …and yer mother went to work in carefully selected odd socks 15 years ago. coincidence?

  32. amandainSA September 3, 2013 at 8:45 pm #

    Best blog post ever…so good I felt compelled to post my first comment ever in life. Thanks for this, I literally asked myself this morning “where the $(:&; was Pinterest when my kids were little?” Lol…great read.

  33. traciguthrie September 3, 2013 at 8:51 pm #

    You forgot to mention the moms that buy new work out clothes to show off in on the first day of school when we all know they just went home and went back to bed!

    • jackie September 6, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

      I had a mom at our bus stop who did exactly that! Black and lime green spandex! I was styling cuz I had on clean jeans and a work shirt….this is such a funny thread. Congrats to all for the sense of humor…..love it!

  34. Dawn Peters September 3, 2013 at 9:14 pm #

    Why don’t we ever see the kid in total Goth clothing and makeup standing next to a chalkboard with “12th grade!!!!!”

    • Vanessa September 4, 2013 at 8:26 pm #

      Haha! My daughter’s in high school and might be willing to stage a photo like that next year.

    • peggraham September 4, 2013 at 11:16 pm #

      That made me Laugh Out Loud!!! Love it!

    • kymamom September 5, 2013 at 12:08 am #

      Awesome!!! And so many parents wonder in those elementary years “who lets their kid do that crap?” Well we will see in high school.

    • threenorns September 5, 2013 at 4:09 am #

      oh – you mean my oldest? she was just following family tradition.

  35. whitney@thecarpoolconfessions September 4, 2013 at 12:28 am #

    Do you need a sisterwife? Because this shit is happening at my house all damn day. The explosive diarrhea comment. Priceless. The crafty crayon bit- nailed it.

    • t September 5, 2013 at 2:27 am #

      I’ve been begging my husband for 4 years now (I have a 4 year old) to please take on a second, possibly 3rd wife. I will not quit till I have one, or some.

  36. Jill H Brown September 4, 2013 at 3:34 am #

    too funny. . . however its closer to 6 years with my kids pictures .maybe more . they are 7th & 8th grade

  37. Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) September 4, 2013 at 4:08 am #

    There’s funny and then there’s hysterical. This was hysterical! School starts here in two days…here’s to trying NOT to look like Amanda Bynes at the bus stop. ;)

  38. Kelli September 4, 2013 at 12:05 pm #

    Nailed it! Laughing so hard!

  39. decisionsformyfamily September 4, 2013 at 12:42 pm #

    Reblogged this on Decisions for my Family and commented:
    Hats off to this mom for speaking the truth! I am not one to typically “reblog” but I just could not let this one pass without sharing. Hope it puts a smile on your face like it did mine.

  40. nursemommylaughs September 4, 2013 at 1:48 pm #

    Thanks for the laugh this morning. I loved the TPT photo on the back of the bus. Classic!

  41. barbie September 4, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

    Thank. You.

  42. Tina September 4, 2013 at 2:21 pm #

    Hahaha!! I’ve got the pile I pictures–school, sports, etc. that I’m bound and determined to get mailed out!! Lol! Good company!!

    • kymamom September 5, 2013 at 12:11 am #

      My oldest graduated college 2 years ago. I’m still staring at piles of all those must take. Must buy Senior Photos. That I paid more for then my wedding pictures.

  43. katie clooney September 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

    Just found your blog on FB. Where have you been all my life? Soooo funny! I’m your newest fan.

  44. Minna Biggs September 4, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

    thanks for the laugh!

  45. Heidi September 4, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    You are a genius for writing this! I fail at Pinterest, too.

  46. Janene September 4, 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    OMG. This is the first time I’ve visited your blog but not the last. Absolutely hysterical. And I’m thinking of trying your super neato crayon project. Tell me your secret — what type of wine works best?

  47. Darcy Perdu September 4, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

    laughed out loud at your comments on the lemonade stand!

  48. Amber Hanes-Miller September 4, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

    I seriously stood at the bus stop this morning in a t-shirt and shorts, sans undergarment, on the mountainside, waving frantically at my 2nd grader on his 2nd day of school. And he didn’t wave back! I had this special letter all typed up to give him, and forgot. I would be a pinterest failure.

  49. heather bell September 4, 2013 at 6:01 pm #

    I don’t think those things are over the top. I have done them since day one. Psha, no, not at all. In fact, we are very anti climatic around here. Dinner looks like dinner, lunch looks like lunch. Plastic bags with sandwiches, not cut into fun shapes. Even though I will cut off crusts if need be.=)

  50. carriecurry September 4, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    This makes me so happy. The end.

  51. jerzygirl45 September 4, 2013 at 6:10 pm #

    So hilarious. For some reason this brought to mind that viral vid of the mom dancing “Bye Bye Bye” as her kid goes off to school.

  52. Joslyn Panka Solomon September 4, 2013 at 6:26 pm #

    I feel like lunch making is a competitive sport now… and I’m not sure if it’s true, or if it’s just what Pinterest has convinced me with all those bitches making sprinkle covered donut sandwiches and shit.

    • Danna Coffey September 5, 2013 at 12:09 am #

      I don’t know… I taught preschool for years and saw all the cute sandwiches cut into cute shapes, a tiny spinach salad, some strawberries on steroids and a healthy muffin for dessert.

  53. Melanie September 4, 2013 at 6:28 pm #

    This is who I feel every.freaking.time I’m on Pinterest! And I don’t have kids. Who has the time and patience for that crazy crafty stuff? I don’t even believe it’s real! Oh and does anyone else have problems even spelling Pinterest? My fingers don’t like it.

    Thanks for today’s laugh!

  54. donofalltrades September 4, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

    I’m so glad my wife shares my “yeah, fuck that” attitude about this stupid sort of shit. The schools are brutal nowadays. Two sets of school pictures now? No thank you, we’re not buying the fall ones so we don’t want the spring pics either. Errrrrrr!!!

  55. Paige Totaro September 4, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    Perfection. Or imperfection. Whatever. I love it.

  56. TwinBoysDad September 4, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    Isn’t just moms that do this. I single parented twin boys from early day care to middle school.

    Getting dressed in the morning – “If it doesn’t fit you, does it fit your brother?”

    Breakfast – “Ok, which one of you didn’t use a plate when putting syrup on your waffles?”

    Pictures – “Why would I want to buy pictures? I know what you look like already.”

    Arts and Crafts stuff – If it didn’t involve monsters, dinosaurs or time machines, it was either legos or drawing paper. But we did make a cool time machine out of the box the washing machine came in.

  57. CEOofLalaLand September 4, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    That. Was. GLORIOUS!

  58. Rachel Airth September 4, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

    Oh. My. Goodness. This made my day!! I am a mother of 3 girls under 2 1/2 and I am constantly wondering who has the time to do all of the Pinterest stuff??? I mean, are these women on drugs, or insomniacs, or have fake children…or worse yet, did they lock them in a room somewhere?! How is it possible?!!!

  59. kryssi01 September 4, 2013 at 8:29 pm #

    I’m guilty of the baby on book picture (see here is is a cutie – https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/16572_532451130153412_2130900888_n.jpg) but my first grader is just going to have to deal with my un-crafty lunch and lucky charms for breakfast.

  60. ceekay2 September 4, 2013 at 8:31 pm #

    Laughing so so hard. What a great way to start off the 1st week back to school. Thank you!!
    http://www.50daysofnogrey.wordpress.com

  61. judy faris September 4, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

    I’m old and my kids are now grown. Thank God Pinterest wasn’t around then. I used to have my son sleep in his school clothes so we didn’t battle in the morning. Best idea ever.

    • Dawn Nicole Baldwin September 4, 2013 at 11:02 pm #

      That’s brilliant :)

    • Sam September 5, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

      it was my son’s idea, and he has done it for two years now…shower, school clothes, bed. Seriously, who looks at 9yo’s tshirt and thinks, he slept in that! They ALL look slept in by the end of first recess.

  62. Erin September 4, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

    AWESOME! LOVE IT!!!

  63. Kim Dudek Villasenor September 4, 2013 at 10:35 pm #

    Tip for food crafts – buy twice as much food than specified, if you have multiple children or a curious husband just multiply it as needed. Once everyone is sugared up they don’t care if it turns out or not.

  64. Dawn Nicole Baldwin September 4, 2013 at 11:01 pm #

    My youngest just went to college… I found a boatload of school pictures I was supposed to send to the grandparents in a “Stuff to Save” file before I finally gave up and stopped ordering them. (Should’ve labeled the folder ‘Stuff to Send’)

    Along with a bunch of undeveloped film. Yeah. Film. As in, before digital cameras. It’s that old.

    Now I can just feel guilty about the quality and consistency of the care packages she gets. I can only imagine what the diorama-breakfast mom will send THAT kid when he/she starts college…

  65. peggraham September 4, 2013 at 11:21 pm #

    ….hehehehe….”I started this project and then accidentally ate all of the Rolos.” (AWESOMENESS)

  66. Kathryn September 4, 2013 at 11:50 pm #

    I am definitely not a morning person so the “sleep in your school clothes” routine saved our lives. But wait…now that she’s in college I’m supposed to send care packages? OMG….does this ever end?

    • threenorns September 5, 2013 at 4:10 am #

      wait, what!?? i did that RESP thing they told me to – do i have to start another fund or something??

  67. Miray Holmes September 5, 2013 at 12:31 am #

    I love all you ‘Slacker Moms’. Does anyone give the your kid!lunch money and slow down to 5 mph in the car line and yell RUN. Trying to get better this year.

    • melissa September 15, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

      me, me me I do!!! My boys are even getting into it complaining about the helicopter parents who sit in line and wait till the kid walks in school to pull away!!! I’m like “they’re on your property now, your responsiblity” lol and zoom off lol

  68. E September 5, 2013 at 12:47 am #

    that’s my kid in the lemonade stand. I don’t get it either.

  69. Krista September 5, 2013 at 1:12 am #

    This wasn’t funny. It was spiteful and hateful to other woman. How about you try lifting up fellow moms and quite tearing down people.

    • Krista September 5, 2013 at 1:12 am #

      *quit

    • Carol September 5, 2013 at 3:53 am #

      Actually it wasn’t. I see this as her way of saying man ” I hate them” because there is no way I have time do this kind of stuff for my kid. I think it’s great that she can make a little fun of herself, because sister, that’s all this is about. Kudos to crafty moms and dads that have time to do cool stuff… but there are the rest of us who don’t have the time, talent or sheer tenacity to do some of the stuff I’ve seen. We are not all stay at home parents or crafty creative. Me, while I do have a crafty bone in my body, I must choose to save my energies just getting my little darling up, fed and off to school before I take myself to work, just praying I get time for a cup of coffee. I have tried to make Halloween costumes every year, put away school pictures (getting them mailed out to relatives before she is ready to get pics again is a challenge.) but alas, I am relegated to getting her to her after school activities, homework done and just hoping I gain an understanding of new math!

      So my hats off to you Crafty Mom but also to this witty, honest Mom who wrote this post, because I totally identify with her!

    • threenorns September 5, 2013 at 4:11 am #

      hmmmmmmmmm…… no, pretty sure YOU are the one who is not only spiteful and hateful, but also an attention-seeking troll trying to bring down the tone.

      go away.

    • 4tyisjustanumber September 5, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

      OMG – This was the funniest post EVER!!!! I can’t stop laughing and many of the comments are just a funny – we are ALL human and I think that too many ppl play the role of the perfect family and perfect mom, when in fact they aren’t! Glad to know that there are REAL people out there that feel the way that I do from time to time :)

    • pilvikki September 6, 2013 at 12:42 pm #

      wow! did you EVER get the wrong end of the stick on that! they’re all compliments, you silly, silly girl!

    • dee September 7, 2013 at 12:10 am #

      Lmao!! Get a sense of humor! If you have time for all this, I really think you should consider a job. Too much time on your hands makes you waaaaaay to crafty, and eventually fat! Best article ever!!

  70. Liz Baker September 5, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    A lunchable in a leftover christmas gift bag. With a bottle of water. Doesn’t happen that often, but my kids like it better than anything else I pack for them.

  71. Dana Bowman September 5, 2013 at 1:27 am #

    Thank you. You finally said what i have bottled up inside for a long time. Journal covered in pipe cleaners? Nah. Pencil holder hand knitted? Cray. Pants on backwards? Possible.

  72. Stacey September 5, 2013 at 1:36 am #

    You have a warning for this blog entry: Don’t read if you are eating, drinking, have to pee, or just applied non-waterproof mascara! Soooooo funny!

  73. skyeblog September 5, 2013 at 1:37 am #

    Totally showed up to the bus stop in my purple fuzzy bathrobe last year. What made this more pathetic was that the bus stop was in front of my house.

  74. Eileen September 5, 2013 at 2:10 am #

    I just peed myself. I love you. Hilarious.

  75. Val September 5, 2013 at 2:18 am #

    Super cute I giggled outloud..whom am I kidding I nearly peed myself. Amen And, I think a good mommy is craft enough. Thanks for sharing!

  76. Allyson September 5, 2013 at 2:23 am #

    Ocean State Job Lot?! I grew up in RI and used to go to the one in Wakefield! Love it!!!

  77. Beth Mansfield Deese September 5, 2013 at 2:41 am #

    So friggin’ funny. I could not even breathe I was laughing so hard. Loved it!

  78. J September 5, 2013 at 2:56 am #

    Actually, I did start school when I was three!

    • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 2:51 am #

      yeah, me too. and then my parents kept refusing to let the school advance me because i was already younger than everybody else in the class so yay! i got to stay with a bunch of kids that were bigger than me, dumber than me (just sayin’), and hated my guts. win!

  79. Anna B September 5, 2013 at 2:58 am #

    Thank God!

  80. Joy Toone September 5, 2013 at 5:34 am #

    You are flipping hilarious and we need to be friends! And wait we are supposed to get up with our kids in the morning? Haha

  81. MR September 5, 2013 at 5:56 am #

    The matching socks thing?! The best thing that happened to me last school year was that it suddenly became cool to wear mismatched socks! You can even buy them that way, although I didn’t need to with a WHOLE. LAUNDRY. BASKET. FULL. of un-sorted and mismatched socks. And also, once in a while I like to up the ante and dole out some amazingly creative crafty thing for my kids to show off at school, keeps the other moms focus off the fact that my sweatpants and t-shirts often have holes or stains (and that sometimes they are my pajamas since I wore them to bed the night before) and also that I may not have found time to brush my hair for a couple days. 

    • Christine Emmick September 5, 2013 at 8:01 am #

      MR I love you!! Me and the girls MADE SOME SOAP to take the first day so I would be noticed as the crafty, eccentric one. I was hoping that would fiend off the questions about my attire and 3 day old hairstyle. I don’t think it worked.

      • threenorns September 7, 2013 at 1:44 am #

        no – it doesn’t. what happens is everybody starts asking how you did it and then asking if you can make some for them.

        next time, use my method: widen your eyes slightly and say, very intensely, “did you know the border collie is the smartest breed of dog? i’m not kidding – it’s exactly like having another 4yr old around the house! well, if the 4yr old was unable to walk upright and speak. or understand english. actually, it’s more like adopting a disabled orphan from a non-english-speaking country!”

        they are very careful not to look you in the eye after that.

  82. rachetgrrl September 5, 2013 at 5:59 am #

    Satan created Pintrest to unhinge all mothers. Only freakish, Satan worshipping, Stepford wives live on Pintrest.
    I drink wine and fuck up crafts.
    Amen.

  83. Christine Emmick September 5, 2013 at 7:57 am #

    This is some good clean fun. Thanks. :)

  84. VMouton September 5, 2013 at 11:31 am #

    So on point! I raise my hand to all of it, especially the 3 years of school pictures that I still have yet to relatives for all 3 kids! Thanks for this post. I loved it!

  85. 2tvchicks September 5, 2013 at 11:58 am #

    You are hysterical! Love your blog! Check out ours if you’d like- we are so similar…LOL
    2tvchicks.com

  86. Laura Perry September 5, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    I have been known to be guilty of a little crafty preciousness- but this made me choke on my coffee, I was laughing so hard.

  87. Nancy Williams September 5, 2013 at 12:04 pm #

    My fourth-grader has been back to school for 3 weeks now and has already missed two days due to hormonal meltdowns. Screw breakfast, pencil pouches, posed pictures and craft projects. At this point, if she’s breathing, she’s ready.

  88. Tonya GESEK September 5, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

    Thank you for this laugh. I am a crafty mom but not to the extreme.

  89. Coralie September 5, 2013 at 12:57 pm #

    Love this! Particularly think drinking wine & doing crafts is a stellar idea!

  90. Betty September 5, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    It’s been 18 years since our youngest was in school…thanks for the blast from the past! Will admit to cupcakes for his 18th birthday…good one, MOM!

  91. 5280mom September 5, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    I think we could be friends :)

  92. xuan September 5, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    OMG!!!!!! Love this article!!. so HYSTERICAL!!. shared it definitely!!!

  93. Amy September 5, 2013 at 1:19 pm #

    The Amanda Bynes part has me rmao! I’m just glad it is cool enough this week I can skip putting a bra on and just throw on a sweatshirt. My hair, well I might need to borrow one of Amanda’s wigs.

  94. Michelle September 5, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    This is great. Second day of school our kindergarten child “forgot” her backpack but did take a lunch. Today she doesn’t have her bus necklace……. Hope she makes it home and we are not driving all over town to see where they took her!!!! It is going to be a long year!!

  95. WifeyMommySuperHuman September 5, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    Thank you, this made me laugh so hard! I mean, I will keep trying to be crafty mom and all– but this was a great way to start my morning!! =)

  96. thenotsocraftymom September 5, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

    So True!

  97. Julie Mcwethy September 5, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

    I laughed so hard~ I almost peed my pants!

  98. Sharon Evans-Putney September 5, 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    In defense of the 3 yr old in “Kindy” — Kindy is a slang for kindergarten in New Zealand (OMG, I’m defending a New Zealander….. shoot me now!!). New Zealand calls high school “college”…. they’re not bright people….. so they have different terms than we do for their schooling levels.

  99. 4tyisjustanumber September 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm #

    This was the BEST. POST. EVER!!!!! I can NOT stop laughing and I’m loving all of the comments – glad to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way :) Already shared this on FB – and my friends are sharing – THANK YOU!!!!!

  100. flyingmoons September 5, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

    OMG that is awesome!!!! I HATE trying to come of with ideas for school lunches, and crafts….and my stuff NEVER looks as good as they do on pintrest lol

  101. Word Vomit Momma September 5, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    I fucking love this. PREACH!!! I get so sick of all these moms trying to outdo each other on all this shit. Seriously? I got better things to do.

  102. Brandi September 5, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

    Oh sweet baby Jesus in the sky… I NEEDED this today! Laughed until I cried (twice actually) and would like to know when and where the back to school party is. My kids have only been school a couple of weeks and on the drive in to work this morning, I contemplated moving to another country where school and/or being crafty was optional. :)

  103. Lisa Miller September 5, 2013 at 4:12 pm #

    Look here for easy peasy lunch ideas:
    http://www.laptoplunches.com/photo-gallery.php ;)

  104. Jamie September 5, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

    HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! CHECK OUT PINTEREST FAIL!!!!!!!!!!

  105. showupforlifeblog September 5, 2013 at 4:33 pm #

    Hahaha! Thank you for this!!!! I think I saw 100 chalkboard “first day of schoo”l signs this week on social media”. That’s the problem with Pinterest, nobody comes up with their own unique ideas anymore, they all copy the same old junk that’s overflowing Pinterest.

  106. Giselle Barrera September 5, 2013 at 5:12 pm #

    Thank you for posting this! Those moms drive me nuts!

  107. Renee Branson September 5, 2013 at 5:27 pm #

    A mom after my own heart. Going to reblog. Love. It.

  108. Momof2 September 5, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

    Ma’am, you are just brilliant. Thank you for this!

  109. Heather J. Potter September 5, 2013 at 5:58 pm #

    This is extremely AWESOME! Thanks for sharing … PS – we totally nailed the crayon art … took only 2 tries but it turned out pretty cool. Here’s a side note … use a shrink wrap heat gun thingy (no I don’t know what it’s called, sorry!)

  110. anne September 5, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    I pinned this. LMFAO!

  111. Grateful momma September 5, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

    Not sure I’ll ever get why it bothers some moms that other moms enjoy doing special things for their kids. Let’s save the harsh criticism for parents who actually deserve it. You know, for doing things like beating or mentally abusing or not feeding their kids? These moms are exercising their gifts, which appear to be creativity, to make their kids’ childhoods special and memorable. Maybe they spend the same amount of time doing crafty stuff as you do writing your blog. One’s not better or worse than the other. We’re all on the same team, people.

  112. Angela Myrtetus September 5, 2013 at 7:16 pm #

    Reblogged this on Working-Mom Crazy and commented:
    I died when I read this!

  113. LisaGregory September 5, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

    OMG!!!! This is friggen hysterical!! And what makes it even more funny, is that as a Scrapbook Designer, I AM that crafty mom..Or at least was, when my kids were in school!! I love it!! Don’t hate on me though….You might have been the teacher who received my creative projects!! Thank you for sharing!! This made my day!!! If you want to see my work, go check out my blog…

  114. theproofofhislove September 5, 2013 at 7:41 pm #

    I always wear pants to the bus stop….a bra onthe other hand…..

    • zinzinnati September 6, 2013 at 4:30 am #

      Um…if you’re wearing a bra on your hand, you’re doing it wrong :)

      • pilvikki September 7, 2013 at 11:36 am #

        oh no you didn’t..! rofl!

  115. Karen September 5, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

    It’s a good start to the school day if my son remembers to put on underwear (Yes, he has gone commando when I have forgotten to check)!

  116. Kim Morton September 5, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

    Love your blog!

  117. cjgal September 5, 2013 at 10:19 pm #

    Is it sad that I didn’t realize “kindy” was a cute word for kindergarten? I had to google it. And I’m a teacher… Smack my hand!

  118. Christy September 5, 2013 at 11:02 pm #

    I’m a first class mom– picking my kids up from school — I got in my car and THOUGHT BOTH my kids were in too when my daughter says,”mom, isn’t Ben coming home with us?” I look in rear view mirror and see my son running after car in THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT! I Rock!

  119. Happybee September 5, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

    Holy shit I cannot breathe from pooping bits of laughter happiness out my butt. So well done. Thank you for helping me get through me kids afternoon routine without drinking. xo

  120. Cheryl September 5, 2013 at 11:16 pm #

    You mean a Lunchable doesn’t count as making a lunch? Really? Give a girl some credit I mean the Lunchable didn’t pack its self. I had to actually put it in the lunch bag. Also, I included a cute little ice pack so that should count for something. Oh,and I put a bottle of water in there too. And let’s not forget that I actually remembered to put the lunch bag in my kiddos backpack. I think I get an A+ for “making” a lunch.

  121. afton1416 September 6, 2013 at 12:15 am #

    This is my first time reading a post of yours. Whoever you are I need you in my life. Stat.

  122. janicec September 6, 2013 at 12:16 am #

    If you are going to lift other people’s copyrighted photos, you should probably at least credit them.

  123. Bitchin Sisters September 6, 2013 at 12:19 am #

    Wow. We thank you for your responses and kind words. We are overwhelmed with how witty our readers are! For the other 1% of you who took this WAY too seriously, we apologize for any offense. We definitely did not intend to slam other mothers or exploit your photoshoot. We were just having fun and making fun of ourselves. (We felt like that was kind of obvious.) One of us is actually an interior designer and super crafty. The other one is neither. This is just a place to let loose and if we in any way insulted you, again, we’re sorry. We are now going to do like eleventy billion crafts to prove how very sorry we are. Stay tuned. Man. Going viral is crazzles.

    • Tina September 6, 2013 at 8:18 pm #

      It’s called TONGUE IN CHEEK and it’s HILARIOUS!!

  124. Di September 6, 2013 at 12:24 am #

    I hate to be an over achiever, but I have first day of school pictures from 28 years ago still at the bottom of a drawer. I really should pull them out and show my grandsons why everyone tells them they look just like their dad at that age!

  125. Sue September 6, 2013 at 1:00 am #

    OMG! Hilarious and true & I love the comments!! Thanks for keepin’ it real ladies!

  126. Kirsten September 6, 2013 at 1:03 am #

    I love you. I tried to make muffins you just add water to the first day of school and they all stuck to the friggen paper cups. As a result I forgot the kids lunches and one kids went with socks but no shoes. Really. I sware I used to run a successful and amazing business. Now, I look like a hobo and have been known to let them eat frozen waffles FROZEN cause they like them that way. Anyway, thanks for making me feel normal-ish.

    • pilvikki September 6, 2013 at 12:49 pm #

      oh dear me, i’m hurting!

      i once switched the poor eldest daughter’s lunch with the garbage bag [both brown bags in those days] and off she went with her fishtails and orange peels.

      mind you, i gone and done the same to myself, karma’s a bitch, but still i do believe…

      I WIN!

      • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm #

        don’t think i’ve forgotten. you just wait until you need dentures.

    • Tina September 6, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

      ok Kirsten- you need a blog too! LOVE it- just sitting down to work on plans for MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) our theme this year is “a beautiful mess” HOW APPROPRIATE! I just don’t want to scare these moms of little ones and explain to them- it gets worse not better!! LOL the “mess” is just a different KIND of mess!!!

  127. jeannett September 6, 2013 at 1:16 am #

    I’m just stoked my janky back to school dinner (btw, I legit tossed a bunch of stuff on the table and made breakfast for dinner…so besides the 7 minutes of taping decorations to the wall, that I pulled out of drawer…it was really a super lazy mom “party”) But truthfully, I totally agree with you for the most part. It’s too much. Too much.

  128. Anne @ anne b. good September 6, 2013 at 1:39 am #

    I laughed so hard my husband got all concerned about me. I’ve stopped frequenting pinterest for exactly this reason. Thanks for the laugh and the camaraderie.

  129. Wendi September 6, 2013 at 1:45 am #

    Ummmm…my daughters have had
    to pack their own school lunches since kindergarten. No bedazzled sandwiches from this evil mother!

  130. claudia September 6, 2013 at 2:05 am #

    hilarious!!! I hope I did not wake my FOUR children laughing at these dead on comments along with the pics. kudos!

  131. Jamie Smith September 6, 2013 at 2:07 am #

    I officially LOVE YOU!!! And just so we are clear I just mailed my Xmas (turned out to be New Years cards because I forgot to order) cards out in February so it was even late for New Years, with 3 YES 3 years worth of school pics to my family!!! Yep!! I feel like such an inadequate mom sometimes. I love my 3 girls but I have a life too!!! I just spent the last 4 years getting my nursing degree. I’m sorry I can’t totally absorb myself in my kids! You are officially someone I love!!! You couldn’t have put it better!! Pinterest I love but its seriously an A Hole!!!!

  132. Elaine A. September 6, 2013 at 2:45 am #

    I NEED that crayon/duct tape art for my playroom. Like totally. ;-)

  133. behealthywithkristin September 6, 2013 at 2:48 am #

    So funny !

  134. springs222 September 6, 2013 at 2:53 am #

    I laughed out loud reading this! Good for you for calling those Pinterest bitches out! Love it!

  135. z September 6, 2013 at 3:17 am #

    I feel like I have finally found my people!!!! Love this post and all of the comments.

  136. Deana September 6, 2013 at 3:43 am #

    Hahahahaha…breath….hahahahahaha
    Funniest shit ever!

  137. Mary September 6, 2013 at 4:07 am #

    Seriously one of the funniest things I have ever read! I am one of those moms who is crafty, and in the midst of making crazy April Fool’s Day dinner, special cakes, etc., I often think “I have issues! I must be crazy!” Thanks for a great laugh. Oh, and a sweatshirt helps cover the fact that you’re bra-less when dropping the kids off in car line :-)

  138. KW September 6, 2013 at 4:11 am #

    My niece started in 3K. It is a public school though. Oh, and only 2 of the public schools start in 3K. All the rest start in 5K.

  139. Alison September 6, 2013 at 4:42 am #

    OMG so funny!!!
    The back to school personalized gift things – what? Why? I think some moms even make ‘favors’ for the teachers. Way to ostracize your kid.

  140. Mamasylum September 6, 2013 at 5:31 am #

    Cant. Stop. Laughing!!! Just today I had poster envy of another mama running a different PTA event than mine. Her poster was rockin’ it. Mine? Not so much.

  141. hoosierneals September 6, 2013 at 5:47 am #

    I have had to chase my mofo 8 lb. Pomeranian laps around the middle school bus TWICE when the little bastard snuck out with my son. In my robe and pj’s. Everyone knows those kids are like ninjas with their cell phones- I KNOW somewhere on YouTube there is video of me that some preteen shithead uploaded.

  142. Lady Jennie September 6, 2013 at 6:15 am #

    Aah. This makes my heart full of all kinds of happy.

    Amen sistah

  143. michelletblog September 6, 2013 at 10:30 am #

    I have a mantra I prescribe for people who opt out of the mompetition. http://www.blueskyparent.blogspot.ca/2013/08/your-kids-will-be-okay-mantra-for-first.html

    • Tina September 6, 2013 at 2:23 pm #

      loved and booked marked this TOO! hilarious and soooooo true

    • lookinginthewindow September 6, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

      I’m so following this big & yours too. Glad to know I don’t have to try & win the mompetition anymore. I now fell a sense of sisterhood! Thanks for the laughs.

  144. Kristin Taylor Bryan September 6, 2013 at 11:22 am #

    Reblogged this on She's Finding Happy and commented:
    This is the funniest blog post I’ve seen in just about, well, forever! Well done, Bitchin Sisters!

  145. blacklambphotography September 6, 2013 at 11:24 am #

    Love it! You made my morning, especially the part where you said you’d be knifed if you gave your kid an organic pop tart. Priceless!

  146. Kristin Taylor Bryan September 6, 2013 at 11:27 am #

    Funniest blog post I’ve read in a long time!!! Love this!!

  147. Leslie Marinelli (@TheBeardedIris) September 6, 2013 at 11:55 am #

    Marry me.

  148. Holly Grimm September 6, 2013 at 12:18 pm #

    I feel you sister!!!!! Lol!

  149. traceybecker September 6, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    I don’t understand Pinterest. Why make a list of things I’ll never do? I make lists AFTER I’ve done things, so that I can brag about “taking a shower” and “feeding the dog.”

    • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 1:01 pm #

      i use it as a bulletin board – it’s WAY easier to find stuff than on my facebook wall.

  150. jen September 6, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    Hilarious!

  151. Ellen Schneiderman September 6, 2013 at 12:46 pm #

    Pants? To the bus stop? Is that like a thing? ;)

  152. Ashley Andrews September 6, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    Man I’m all for embarrassing your kids…but people really wonder why bullying is sooo high in schools? I’m sorry but if you embarrass your kid like some people here said, please don’t be surprised and raise a huge problem with the school when little “Bubba” comes home with a black eye ! I mean don’t you people get that their PEERS are watching you TORMENT THEM?? THAT SHOWS THE PEERS ITS OKAY. And of course little kids will take it to a whole nother level.

    • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 2:15 pm #

      wrong and insulting to children’s intelligence. even the smallest child can tell the difference when another is being teased by someone who loves them and when they’re being bullied.

  153. Stefanie September 6, 2013 at 1:59 pm #

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Pinterest has created monster moms. As if getting kids up, fed and out the door isn’t enough, I’m supposed to turn the whole production into a F***ing photo op??? It’s to much pressure for 98% of us to deal with. The moms who commented on this are the normal ones. Put away the cameras and the back drops and just do what it takes to get by. Those spoiled rotten kids are going to turn into major assholes when they grow up and what will their crazy, turbo moms be left with then?

    • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 2:21 pm #

      to be fair, if that’s their thing, then hey – have at it. there really are ppl who can spend 15 minutes and organize a birthday party, complete with pinata and pony rides, for an 8yr old AND have all 15 invitees show up and have a great time. doesn’t mean their kids are “spoiled rotten”.

      that’s not me.

      but then, the women i know who can do stuff like collages and mcguyver a stained glass window out of a broken ginger ale bottle can’t change the transmission fluid in the car and can barely figure out how to turn on the computer, much less hand-prune a virus out of the registry. doesn’t mean my kid’s a rocket scientist.

      instead of slagging them for what you can’t do, just acknowledge and enjoy the differences.

      After all, it’d be a boring old world if we all sang from the same page in the songbook.

    • dee September 7, 2013 at 12:29 am #

      I love you! So true! Lol! I use to take candy bags to my sons school every holiday…then the butthole started making special request and wanted to buy video games for his friends as gifts. I was clearly sending the wrong message!! I haven’t made a candy bag in a year, and he gets LUNCH money now. I will humble the monster I created if it kills me!!

      PS. I offered to let him make the candy bags himself, he had no interest. All guilt is gone!! :-)

      • pilvikki September 7, 2013 at 11:53 am #

        you know… that is a good point. i used to fret and fidget about something and finally ask the kid in question and only get a shrug and a “meh”. well, if she doesn’t care, why am i losing sleep then?
        another bullet dodged!
        oh course i still got hit enough times to have turned into a sieve had they been 22′s…

  154. Pet Leopard September 6, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

    Kindy is what they call pre-school in New Zealand and Australia. Such cute names…

    • shannon September 9, 2013 at 1:22 am #

      Kindy (Kindergarten) in Australia is actually the first year of primary school.Then you have years 1-6 before going in to Highschool (years7-12).

  155. whimsygizmo September 6, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    Dude. I SO love you right now. You don’t even know.

  156. monica September 6, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

    I think I peed my pants over the explosive diarrhea line. at least I have pants on?

  157. moira September 6, 2013 at 3:57 pm #

    Thank you!!! I needed that!! Too funny and so true!

  158. Jen at PIWTPITT.com September 6, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    You guys. I want to be a sister. You are so fucking right on with this.

  159. tara runfola September 6, 2013 at 4:17 pm #

    holy shit this is funny. great comments, all.
    I have 4 kids and at every age, at every turn, moms are outmomming me and making me feel crappy about stuff I that I cant imagine wanting to do, let alone doing. And can we all please, please please stop getting together on friday night and talking about the kids we are trying to get away from? can we just go out and pretend we dont have them for a few hours??

  160. Aron Kessler September 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

    Parents always have those brutally annoying bumper stickers about their F’ing kids making the Honor Roll. Can the kids put stickers on their backpacks that MY MOM WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR PREPPY LITTLE MISS PERFECT MOM? What?

    • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

      no, i think it’d be more like “i don’t know this woman” or “no relation”.

    • Denise September 7, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

      My favorite bumper sticker is “My border collie is smarter than your Honor Student”

  161. Julie W September 6, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

    First damn reply made me snort laugh, and all the rest have me crossing my legs trying not to wet my desk chair!

    The ONLY way in which I overachieve at mom-dom is that I manage to arrive at the kiss-n-ride line 15-20 minutes EARLY every damn day. Why? Because I’m too cheap to pay for before-school club care, and we live across the street from a high school. If I don’t leave early, traffic is a bitch on her period with a bad-hair-day and no chocolate or wine.

    I made their lunches the first week. Then I thought ‘screw this! They are up too – let them pack lunch.’ And so they do. My only job is to check the bags before we leave, just to make sure they aren’t full of cookies and chocolate milk…

  162. Susie September 6, 2013 at 5:05 pm #

    I tried that crayon shit last year. I’m jealous this mom thought of duct tape.

    • Marianne September 6, 2013 at 5:32 pm #

      doesn’t it have to be done with a hair dryer or something like that???? But i like my Hairdryer…I don’t wannna ruin it!

  163. Marianne September 6, 2013 at 5:30 pm #

    Lunchbox: Strawberry milk, squeez fruit (peach, or strawbrry or just apple) – best invention EVER… Trader Joes have them…apple sauce like stuff but in a squeezable container..so much easier…mini bag o’ chips, and a granola bar (laddened with choc and stuff) …mmm mmm good! …and THAT’s what he has in the car on the way to school…no school bus for us….and mom HAS to be presesntable cuz she’s a HS English Teacher that has her 1st class at 8:00 (sharp) …but wakes up looking like Amanda Bynes …..heee heee heee… Loved this post! keep ‘em comming!

  164. monicamfochtman September 6, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

    A fellow mom walked into my son’s first day of kindergarten with a THIRTY ONE bag, MONOGRAMMED with the teacher’s last name on it. Monogrammed. FIRST day. Ridiculous.

    • threenorns September 6, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

      what’s wrong with monogramming!? i monogram everything. no point wasting sharpies after all.

  165. Zakary September 6, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

    *highest of fives*

  166. creationsbycathy September 6, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    lol… I am rolling!!! WAY too funny!! Thanks ;)

  167. Heather September 6, 2013 at 8:15 pm #

    Your kids’ socks match?
    As far as I’m concerned, you are keeping that bar pretty damn high.

  168. Dawn September 6, 2013 at 8:42 pm #

    I work in an elementary school (pray for me). Some mom did that pencil thing and I saw it from the eraser end and I was trying to figure out why the @##%%$# some parent send cigars for the first day of school.

    • pilvikki September 6, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

      you know, it’s perhaps not that far fetched… i once got a call from my 8 yr old granddaughter’s school asking if i knew she had cigarettes and a lighter in her lunch…?
      i beg your pardon?
      and sure enough, when i looked, on top of the fridge sat her sandwich…
      i think i’ll just die now.

      • Dee September 7, 2013 at 12:35 am #

        This made me gut laugh! Hahaha!

  169. anna September 6, 2013 at 10:31 pm #

    Yes to all of it. Or should that be no?

  170. Hannah September 7, 2013 at 12:42 am #

    I read this on Huffington Post, which would not let me log in to comment, even after resetting my password. So here I am, still laughing so hard I can scarcely type. Oh, ah, thank you for writing that…. *falls off chair, still laughing*

  171. Dad that gives a shit. September 7, 2013 at 1:32 am #

    It’s a shame that you are such a pathetic waste if a parent that you have to degrade and belittle those of us that actually try to give a shit about our kids and go the extra mile for them.

    I’m sorry that you can’t get your bra on or get dressed right with your fucked up hair to drop your kid off at the bus stop. I’m sorry that making breakfast right for the first time in your shitty life was an accomplishment of note…

    …But some of us got our shit together a long time ago and try to make our children’s live special and memorable, not a half forgotton mess if disappointment from our white trash parents.

    You just keep on going fucking up the next generation, just font rag on the ones that are trying to break the cycle of human garbage you epitomize.

    P.S. Fuck you.

    • threenorns September 7, 2013 at 2:12 am #

      it’s funny you say that: my two older kids are 27 and 24 and i can assure you grown kids don’t sit around waxing nostalgic about the cute little crafty things you’re so proud of spending hours on.

      my kids remember the times i pulled them out of school because there was a special exhibit at the museum over in toronto or because i had the urge to take them to the opening of “Harry Potter” and we had to wait in line for 3-1/2hrs to get tickets (we wore pajamas, brought pillows, and Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and everybody sat in little groups and took turns reading it out loud). they don’t remember the fancy new clothes i bought them for school – they remember how the other kids scoffed bec they just weren’t quite fashionable enough. my middle daughter doesn’t remember that when i stormed into her classroom, i didn’t have a bra on and my hair looked like a hay stack that had been combed by a hurricane – but she remembers every word of the verbal ass-whuppin’ i gave the kid who had been bullying her to the point she was puking every morning before school.

      kids don’t give a shit about cute little bento box lunches with happyface hand-embossed notecards – they care about the effort you make to spend time WITH them, not ON them.

      oh – and fuck you, too.

    • the windigo September 7, 2013 at 4:36 pm #

      Hahahahaha…you pathetic and ignorant excuse for a man. It’s called creative writing and the blog is tagged in COMEDY. Try not to take yourself so seriously and quit acting like a knob. Those associated with this blog have more talent and success in their little finger than you probably have had in your entire lonely life.
      So these girls will continue using comedy and self-deprecation (I’ll pause for a moment while you look up that word) to ENTERTAIN the masses of normal people out there and will tolerate the occasional knucklehead that was most likely at the ass end of every joke growing up.

      P.S. Bitchin Sisters have husbands you cunt.

    • pilvikki September 7, 2013 at 6:02 pm #

      well, that handle is pretty accurate: a dad who gives a shit. yep, gives shit to one and all from his lofty perch of self-righteousness and privilege. how i envy you!

      now my dear asshat, perhaps you ought to acquaint yourself with this mysterious concept called editing? i make mistakes, screw up spelling etc., but most people can decipher my meaning. but full of typos? and font rag? oh please, how pretentious. what school did you – not – graduate from?

      i have a feeling that you demand perfection from your kids and also from any woman who puts up with you. she’d be most likely a trophy wife anxiously waiting for a change to escape.

      i regard these women you so offhandedly and spitefully insult as friends. do you have any? no? awww, how’d that happen?

      as you sit back and sip your beaujolais, think about this: while the kids of us mortals may feel a bit embarrassed on occasion, our kids will learn to laugh about it later on and they’ll tell their kids.

      your kids will feel superior now, but eventually will hate you!

      P. S. I’d say “Fuck you!” but really… would i wish that on anyone?

      • Aron September 9, 2013 at 3:33 am #

        I couldn’t agree more! Sarcasm is lost on this Asshole-as is common sense.

    • Aron September 9, 2013 at 3:29 am #

      If you can’t appreciate sarcasm then NO you don’t have your act together! In Fact you’re a MAJOR ASSHOLE! You’re pathetic, sadly your kids are probably neurotic with very few friends. You are no doubt A SHITTY father if you felt the need to attack a woman who has an AMAZING sense of Humor. Obviously sarcasm goes over your head. But in your Defense common sense flies over your head as well. You are a total F’ing waste.

  172. Nicole September 7, 2013 at 2:02 am #

    I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face and I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions!

  173. lizjane September 7, 2013 at 2:16 am #

    Ha! Omg, thank you. I just laughed myself out of a stressed out (post-bath time, pre-bedtime) mood. :)

  174. anonymous September 7, 2013 at 3:44 am #

    Some children begin kindergarten in Ontario at age 3. They will turn four before the end of the year. All day every day in most schools across the province now.

  175. Lisa Silva September 7, 2013 at 4:10 am #

    Best blog post I’ve read in a long time! Well said! You have a great school year too!

  176. Duran September 7, 2013 at 1:57 pm #

    Epic! Spot on!!!!

  177. Chelle September 7, 2013 at 2:49 pm #

    OMG….I feel so much better about myself as a mom. Even if my kids are staring at me like I’m crazy because I can’t stop laughing!
    Next time I see ‘that mom’ running down the street with no bra chasing after the school bus with a lunchbox in her hand, I’m totally giving her a hi5. And a Rolo.

  178. Jo mama September 7, 2013 at 6:02 pm #

    I haven’t scrolled thru all the comments but in case it hasn’t come up yet, kindy is Australian for preschool :)

  179. Ali September 7, 2013 at 6:47 pm #

    Well this should make you happy- I AM one of the Pinterest moms- fancy gifts for teachers first day of school, over the top holiday goodies and daily teacher gifts for Teacher Appreciation Week, not to mention 3-D handmade bday party invites, handmade sculpted fondant cakes, etc- but I am also the mom that gets us up at 7.05 to e t the bus stop at 7.30, hands my kid a cup a juice and a cold slice of pizza and drives to the bus stop (about a mile
    From the house) in a tank top , no bra, and boy short underwear and no shoes- oh- and I have to pick up someone else’s kids too…don’t feel bad- some
    of us Pinterest moms are just flighty artist type barely keeping it together too!

    • pilvikki September 7, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

      there you have it – only an android can do everything and still function perfectly into week 12. usually on top of an outside job as well.

      cheers!

    • threenorns September 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

      than – and i mean this in all seriousness – my hat (if i had one) is totally off to you.

      i can’t even begin to think how you do it when my idea of a good day is getting the dishes washed in one uninterrupted session (and all i have is a 6yr old with asperger’s and an ADHD border collie!).

  180. horizontal in the hammer: Jane Scurfield's blog September 8, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

    I love, love, love reading things that make me laugh. Thank-God for parents who see the humour in things. I can’t stand when people think their 3 year-olds are in kindergarten. Yeah right, you just want him out of the house for the day- say it!!!

  181. selena_teresa September 8, 2013 at 9:14 pm #

    My son is three (4 in Nov) and starting school next week. This hurts my brain and I am going to be the weirdo mom in tears and in her pjs (I work from home yay) at his first bus stop. Thanks for the laugh that I needed!

  182. Heather Monica September 11, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

    Hell yeah! I say we smother those crafty bitches with their own creations! Everyone knows one or two of them that need a good dose of reality… thinking they are so superior to our couture bleach and juice stain wardrobe, full body dog hair blanket and a c-section scar or three….. pfftttt….

  183. Lori rabon September 12, 2013 at 12:22 am #

    Funny OMG lmao funny. I know these people!!!!!

  184. Susie September 12, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

    Bahahahahahaha! Thank you for posting this! BTW I was getting tattooed last week (yeah I’m that mom) and the artists in the studio were totally going off about all the chicks coming in wanting copies of tattoos they found on Pinterest. Feathers, infinity signs, etc. so true.

  185. Jena Frederick September 22, 2013 at 4:03 pm #

    I love this. It says everything I have ever thought. But so much more hilariously. Thank you for normalizing those of us that can’t manage to remember half of the shit we are supposed to do and who look like Amanda Bynes at the bus stop more often than we care to admit.

  186. Lissie September 28, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    I love you for this. I don’t have any time for crafts or fancy breakfasts. Happy back to school, go make yourself an Eggo!

  187. Patrice October 2, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

    I love the baby on the stack of books…but does that baby already have forehead wrinkles???

  188. Tamara October 8, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

    Hi there,

    Thanks for the fun post. I took the liberty to put a link into mine:

    http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/2013/09/back-to-school-here-and-abroad.html

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  8. school lunches – it’s a marathon, not a sprint | candidly mommy - September 9, 2013

    […] then, today, i read a post about the pinterest bitches who stay up to 4am making totally over-the-top stuff for back-to-school time. i’m thinking i […]

  9. Pinterest and Family Portraits – A Word of Warning | Sarah Solmonson's Blog - September 11, 2013

    […] lightly my friend, or you could end up being the subject of a similar scathing anti-Pinterest post. Here’s […]

  10. giggles! | Horizontal in the Hammer - September 19, 2013

    […] I read Back To School Pinterest Bitches from a link on Facebook. Sweet lord that’s funny shit. The kids in Kindy part killed me. So […]

  11. Christmas Pinterest Bitches | BITCHIN' SISTERS - December 20, 2013

    […] Back-to-School Pinterest Bitches […]

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