BITCHIN' SISTERS

1.) Broad. Call me a broad and watch what happens. Haven’t heard much about Andrew Dice Clay lately? That’s because he’s fertilizer. He called one too many woman a broad and she poked him in the eye with her stripper heel. That’s not true, but it should be. ‘Broad’ is like ‘chick’ only it makes […]

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I love Halloween. And not just because it’s my birthday. <–LIE.   When I was young, I loved having my birthday on Halloween. We would have parties with haunted house themes, costume contests, ghost stories and shit loads of candy. I loved it. I would agonize over my costume. Should I be an old lady (again) or a jar […]

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Scary thought. I’m turning thirty-five twenty-five on Halloween, so we’re having a birthday costume party. Translation: Eight friends come over, drink three beers, slam a Black Russian and leave by ten o’clock because we’ve all got eleventy-six million activities to do with the kids the following day. (Oh, and by Black Russian, I mean the drink…this […]

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If you are sick and tired of collecting your drunk friend’s iPhone from the toilet with chopsticks and a pashmina. Get her this. We did. P.S. Margot, you’re welcome. Share

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Mother effer. My daughter has lice. Let me rephrase that. My daughter came home with lice two weeks ago. For the first three days, I treated the shit out of her hair…sanitized, vacuumized, circumcised and alchemized my entire house and chalked it up as a Rite of Passage. I thought we were in the clear and turned my attention back […]

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We are so all over this one!  $9.95 for traveling serenity = Yes, please! Share

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I’m married to a carpenter. He does beautiful work. In other people’s homes. We’ve lived in our home since 1997. Since then, I have asked him, bribed him, threatened him, cajoled him to fix a few things around the house and to help me maintain day-to-day functions. Like not leaving his huge man things everywhere […]

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There once were two sisters who lived in a small town near Boston (more like Cape Cod, but I’m not sure if our new readers in Zimbabwe know where “the Cape” is). One day, these sisters decided to write a facetious article about how badly they suck at Pinterest crafts, back-to-school preparedness, the art of getting […]

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It’s that time of year again. The kids are going back to school, Target is abuzz with harried moms, the beaches are emptying, I’m still not tan and shit’s about to get real on Pinterest: I went to Ocean State Job Lot and bought my daughter’s school supplies. After washing last year’s perfectly good bag, I […]

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A Dyson. Because being a mom doesn’t suck. And because a vacuum is the perfect gift for pushing two babies out of your vagina and then having your nipples chewed off for the following ten months. Nope. But I figure if I am in charge of picking up after three animals, I may as well be efficient. […]

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